


I Am The Child Of Monsters

by StaticLantern



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Frosthawk - Freeform, M/M, implied Clintasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-13 23:02:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2168562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StaticLantern/pseuds/StaticLantern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Dark World events bring Thor to Midgard to tell of Loki's death to the one person the God was closest to on Earth, Clint Barton.<br/>Of course, Loki isn't dead and he pays Clint a visit, filling him in on all of their moments together that Clint's forgotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am The Child Of Monsters

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

A loud cackle cut through the silence, startling several of the figures occupying the room. A few people exchanged uncomfortable looks as Clint Barton’s laugh continued, the man dropping back down into his seat, bringing a hand up to his face.

“I...do not understand how this news is funny…” Thor replied, his face downcast.

Clint’s laughter subsided and he shrugged. “What, you telling me this to try to make me feel better or something?”

“No.” Thor’s brow furrowed, tossing a questioning glance at Agent Hill.

Clint paused, staring up at Thor. “You seriously expect me to believe that Loki got stabbed and just… died. Just like that. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?”

“My people are not immortal like you seem to believe Barton, it’s perfectly plausible-”

“No no no, no that’s not what I mean. I mean, Loki is the God of Mischief, illusions ‘n shit. If anyone was going to fake their death, it’d be Loki.” He replied simply, shaking his head and shrugging again. “No, I don’t believe it for a second.”

Clint stood, moving the table away from him loudly as he did, and left the room. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving Thor, Hill, and two other Agents alone in the room. No one moved, no one was sure what to do, but leaving Clint alone seemed like the best course of action right now. Besides, Thor told him what he needed to, it wasn’t his responsibility to try to make Clint believe it. And he didn’t really blame him for not believing it either. Had Thor not been there, had he not held Loki in his arms when he died, he would not believe it either.

\-----------------------------------------

Clint took the rest of the day off, blasting music in his car the whole way home. It kept the thoughts at bay. He smoked and he sang to the music, trying to keep down the bubbling panic attack that was threatening to grip his body. It was an impossible task. If anything, he only postponed it.

Once he reached his apartment, got inside and closed the door behind him, it took hold. His chest constricted, his breathing increased, all those pesky symptoms of a panic attack. He leaned back against the door, sliding to the floor and covering his face. If Thor thought Loki was dead, if Asgard thought Loki was dead, that meant he wasn’t in prison. He was free to go where ever he wanted, he was free. 

it was ridiculous to think Loki would come searching for a peon like Clint. Who was he to Loki? A pawn. He was nobody. But still, he couldn’t help the lingering worry that Loki _would_ come looking for Clint, maybe to tie up loose ends, maybe just because he could, somewhere to start his fun, who knew.

Half an hour came and went and Clint finally calmed himself down. The panic attack subsided and he regained his breath, stretching his legs back out and relaxing against the door. He sighed, wiping away the few tears that had squeezed past his eyes. After a while, he stood and moved to the kitchen. He was just retrieving a beer when his phone went off. He popped the top off and answered the phone, taking a short sip.

“Hey Clint, what’s going on, Fury says you left early.” Nat’s voice rang through from the other side.

“Uh, yeah, just felt a little overwhelmed.”

“What’s up?”

“...Thor came by.” He sighed, sitting down on the couch. “He said Loki died.”

“Oh… well, that’s good isn’t it?”

“No. He said he got stabbed. You really think something as simple as that is gonna put him down?” Clint asked, taking another swig.

“I see what you mean. You shouldn’t be worried though. Loki doesn’t strike me as the type to try the same failed plan twice.” 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right… It just gives me the wigs to know he’s not locked up like he should be.” Clint replied, letting out another low sigh.

“Yeah, well, if you want, you can come by my place tonight. You can stay the night, we can watch a movie.”

Clint nodded. “Yeah, that sounds… I’ve got some stuff I gotta do, I’m not sure how long it’ll take, but I’ll give you a call either way.”

“Alright. Try not to worry too much Clint.”

“I’ll try. I’ll talk to you later Nat.”

Clint lit up another cigarette, pulling the window open so the smoke would filter out, and propped his feet up on the coffee table. Natasha was right. Loki didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would strike the same place twice. His philosophy seemed to be that if you fell off the horse, you didn’t get up and try again, you shoot the horse for throwing you off. 

Clint wasn’t a horse though. He felt more like the reigns or the saddle… Okay, bad metaphor, but still. He wasn’t the plan, he was a tool. He shook his head, trying to clear his head of the thoughts filtering in. It was all moot, Loki wasn’t going to show up out of the blue. Clint was nothing to him, he was like a disposable razor or something. He’d been convenient.

And yet that too seemed to be bothering him. It wasn’t like Loki picked him because of some specific trait Clint had, it wasn’t that he stood out to Loki, it was simply that Clint was in the way and Loki wanted to test out his shiny new toy. For some reason, that bothered Clint just as much as being used in the first place did.

Clint put the cigarette out and leaned forward, taking a long drink from his beer before setting it back down on the table. His eyes flicked around his apartment, pausing when he realized a dark figure in his bedroom. The door to his room was open and a tall shadow stood idly in the corner, as though he’d placed himself there specifically so Clint could spot him, and when he did, the figure moved.

“Do you know how long it took for you to realize I was here, Agent Barton?”

Clint’s blood ran cold.

“Your reflexes are not nearly as sharp as I remember them being. Perhaps I’ve made a mistake in seeking you out.”

The figure came into view, and in the light, he looked far less fantastic. He leaned weakly against the doorframe, his shoulder sagged, his eyes looked weary, yet he grinned at Clint as though nothing had changed. He still knew how intimidating he looked, wracked with exhaustion or not.

“Why did you come back?” Clint asked, his voice stern.

“I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye before your teammates stole you back.” Loki replied simply. “As it was, they stole you back in a rather crude manner, I imagine your memories are not solidly in tact. I should make amends for it.”

Loki was right. Clint didn’t really remember much of what had happened during those two weeks Loki had him, but to be honest, it didn’t bother Clint. In fact, he was grateful he couldn’t remember. He didn’t want to know what Loki forced him to do, how many people Loki forced him to murder. 

“I don’t want you to ‘make amends’ for it, I want you to go away.” Clint replied. He was standing now, his fingertips grazing over the handle of the drawer that contained his gun.

“Please don’t do that. I did not come here to fight you.” Loki was pointedly eyeing Clint’s hand.

“Well you had to have known I wasn’t going to welcome you back with a warm hug.” Clint replied snidely.

“Do you have nightmares, Barton?” He asked suddenly, catching Clint off guard.

“What’s it matter?”

“I can make them go away, they’re a side affect of being ripped out of the spell incorrectly.” He explained slowly, watching Clint like a predator eyeing it’s prey.

“...Why are you trying to help me?” Clint asked, narrowing his eyes, trying not to feel like he was under observation.

“I had no intentions of slaughtering your people pointlessly, I was here to conquer. I’ve seen your people do it a thousand times over. The Vikings invaded England, England invaded North America, France invaded Canada, the Spaniards invaded South America, the Mongolians invaded China. I was simply following in their footsteps. I was not here to bring ultimate destruction to your world, it would have gone under minor alterations. Now whether it was willingly or not, you worked with me during my crusade, you were my second in command. I saw you as a brother in arms, not as a slave. I meant to release you upon my victory, but that’s not how it worked. Still, without my victory, you still earned your release, I still owe you that much. I do not care to live in debt with people.”

Clint laughed. “People, is that what we are to you? I recall you comparing us to ants. Since when do you see us as equals?”

Loki was silent for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek. “The reasoning behind what I said before is not important, nor does it matter now. Are you going to allow me to repay my debt to you or not?”

It was Clint’s turn to fall silent now. It didn’t feel safe to let Loki anywhere near him, but at the same time, he understood not liking being in debt to people. 

“What…. What would this… entail, exactly?” Clint asked finally, folding his arms over his chest.

Loki cracked a very small smile, straightening up a little. “A simple repair spell. I imagine the spell caused some tearing in your psyche when it was forced out. I um… I ask that there are certain parts of your memory I do not fix though.”

“Why? What do you have to hide from me?”

“It’s more for my benefit than yours, I have no shame. However, I did disclose very… personal secrets to you during our time together that I have come to regret having mentioned, I’d like to keep those secrets… well, secret.” Loki replied simply, as though the whole situation was entirely normal, and to him, perhaps, it was.

“What if I said no?”

Loki was quiet, shifting his weight a little, trying to decide what to say. “About this spell I’m performing on you, in order to be conducted properly, you have to be aware of and consenting to everything I do. If you do not allow me to keep these memories hidden, I am… not able to.”

Clint chuckled to himself. “That’s… sorry, that’s just really funny to me, you have to have my consent… Just doesn’t seem like your style.”

“Because you know me so well, right Barton?”

“Apparently I will in a few minutes.” Clint grinned, looking incredibly cocky and rather self satisfied.

Loki shifted uncomfortably, recalling exactly what he’d told Clint, everything that transpired between the two. If Clint didn’t know any better, he’d say it looked as though Loki strongly opposed granting Clint his memories back. As it was though, Loki stepped forward.

“Sit down, facing away from me.” Loki said, offering Clint one of the dining room chairs.

Clint nodded slowly, hesitantly stepping over and sitting in the chair, facing away from Loki. His breathing picked up a bit nervously, the hair on the back of his neck and arms standing on end. His heart thudded painfully. Loki stepped up behind him, running his fingertips over Clint’s cheeks, bringing them up and resting on either side of his head.

“Was that really necessary?” Clint asked, shuddering at the touch against his skin.

“Does it bother you my dear Hawkeye?” Loki asked. “Before I begin, you ought to know, I will be sifting around in your mind, I will have access to your memories. Any stronger or more prominent memories, feelings, etc. will…”

“You’ll see my memories?”

“See them, feel them, experience them, as if they were my own.” Loki replied, caressing his fingers over Clint’s skin again.

“This is starting to sound like it has more cons than pros.” Clint remarked, leaning away from the touch a bit.

“Oh, one more thing. Whatever you do, you cannot move, not even an inch. I need you to stay as still as you possibly can, do you understand?”

“Yeah, let’s just… get this shit over with.”

Loki nodded and repositioned his hands around Clint’s face. Their eyes slid shut and a subtle golden glow began emanating around Loki’s fingers. Clint could feel tiny pinches around his brain, as though Loki was pushing needles through his skull. Memories began flashing across Loki’s eyes.

_  
Natasha smiled at him. She always looked so beautiful first thing in the morning. She was a morning person, it suited her. She practically glowed, her fiery red hair framing around her face, messy and tousled from sleep._

_From what he could see, she wore no clothes, only the blanket pulled up to her armpits. She rolled closer to him, resting her face against his chest._

_“Debroye utro.” She mumbled, her voice gritty, but still just as beautiful as always._

_He loved it when she spoke Russian, especially first thing in the morning as though she’d forgotten which language she was supposed to speak and just defaulted back to her mother tongue.  
_

Loki sifted another way. Those memories were too old. The next he saw were of Thor telling Clint of Loki’s death. Too new, but closer. He rolled back a bit more.

_  
He felt the pressure of the bowstring pressing on the two fingers of his left hand. The pressure disappeared and the bow launched an arrow across the sky. The sun was in his eyes, but he knew where it was going. He adjusted a little and saw his target. The man caught the arrow and smirked at him, then the tip detonated and sent the man hurtling through the sky._

_He smirked. He knew it didn’t kill the man, but it gave him a solid sense of satisfaction watching the look of surprise spread across the man’s face and watching him hit the building below like a doll. He laughed, a bemused smile still plastered to his face as he turned to fight a cluster of Chitauri that had gathered behind him.  
_

Close, so close. It wasn’t much further now. Clint twitched under him, pain registered on his face.

“I’m almost done.” He whispered soothingly. “Just another minute more.”

Clint took in a shaky breath, trying not to move. He didn’t trust Loki, but he felt like whatever he was doing was working. Or maybe making things worse. He didn’t want to dwell on that though. There was nothing to be done now. If he moved away from Loki, he risked fucking the whole process, whether the God really was helping or not.

And suddenly memories were rushing back to him and Loki was snapping his hands away from Clint’s head. Clint choked out a pained gasp, jolting forward in the chair. He stood, his hands shooting to his head and grasping it tightly. He stumbled back against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Barton? Can you hear me?” Loki’s voice sounded distant, and when he opened his eyes, black spots were appearing his vision. Eventually, it all just faded out.

_  
“How are you doing back there?”_

_“Shut up and drive.” Loki snarled from the back of the truck, leaning heavily against a box that shared his space, his hand clutching his ribs._

_“I can do both.” Clint replied, watching him in the rearview mirror. “Are you hurt?”_

_“No.” Loki snapped back, adjusting a little._

_“I know you’re lying, did Fury shoot you?”_

_“Focus on getting us somewhere safe, then tend to my injuries Agent Barton.”_

_…_

_The truck pulled up to one of Clint’s old haunts, some place he’d not been for at least seven years before joining SHIELD. He and his brother would come here to train or to just get away from the world. It was a broken down warehouse of sorts, two levels with a kitchen, spare rooms, and a handful of makeshift bedrooms. It had no water or electricity anymore, no tech of any sort, but Loki seemed satisfied, if not even a little impressed with where Clint had led them._

_“Safe enough sir?” He asked, standing beside Loki, casting a sideways glance at him._

_“For now. It requires a few improvements, but those are not important yet.” Loki replied, his voice soft, gentle really. Clint could only assume it was from exhaustion._

_Loki looked worse than he had before. He was pale, white arguably. He looked like he was sweating, he breathed heavily, the bags under his eyes had darkened, making the blue glow of his eyes even more noticeable in contrast._

_“Does this mean I can tend to your injures now then?” Clint asked, looking the man up and down, taking in how his clothes seemed slightly ill-fitting._

_“If you so wish.”_

_…_

_Clint got Loki into one of the back rooms, the one he specifically used to live out of. It was fitted with a bed, a desk, and a trunk he assumed was probably still full of some of the first bows Clint had built._

_Loki stripped away the outer layers of clothing, the golden armour and the leather coat, continuing until he wore nothing but his pants and a thin, white under tunic. Without the grandeur of his clothing, Clint could see how thin Loki was now. It wasn’t even really that he was thin persay, but it was clear he’d lost weight recently. Clint hesitantly reached out and pulled the hem of Loki’s tunic up until he could see his ribs. And he _could_ see his ribs. Not well, but moreso than he should be able to._

_There was a considerably dark bruise about the size of Clint’s hand covering the left side of Loki’s ribs. Raising the fabric a bit higher, he could see a handful of abrasions on Loki’s chest. The God grew uncomfortable and pulled the shirt back down, covering his torso and glaring at Clint._

_“I’m not a painting Barton, do not oggle at me like I’m one.” Loki hissed, stepping away from Clint a bit._

_“Well it doesn’t look like you have any serious injuries. You should rest though, I’ll find you something to eat.”_

_“There’s no time for that, I’ll rest once we’ve gotten started.”_

_…_

_Clint spent much of his time on the second level, in the catwalks above the main lobby. The lobby now was filled with tables and crates and beams of metal, men from all across the world were crawling around like ants. Loki had expended magic to get them here faster, going to find them and bringing them back himself. He was down there now too, barking orders at the men. He looked as though he was about ready to kill all of them._

_Clint didn’t like it when Loki got worked up like this. It was pointless, they couldn’t work any faster than they already were. As it was, they’d made incredible time. Clint couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen a group of people work as quickly and as well coordinated as these did now. He counted it on the spell that seemed to link all of their minds. Without really being asked, they already knew what it was they were supposed to be doing._

_Even so, Loki felt it necessary to snap at them, bark out orders, sometimes he would skewer someone just for the sake of it. No one ever questioned his outbursts._

_Clint dropped down from the catwalks, coming up behind Loki and wrapping a hand around his arm. He leaned in so only Loki could hear him._

_“Sir, you need to rest.”_

_“I will rest when the project is completed.”_

_“You said you’d rest when it was started, it’s more than started. It’s nearly half done, look, everyone’s doing as they’re supposed to. Please, rest”_

_…_

_It was a fight every time to get Loki to rest. He fought adamantly against Clint every time the subject was brought up, and it was brought up often._

_The first time was nearly impossible. Clint had to practically drag Loki away to his room and strip him of his clothing himself. Once he was down to his tunic again, the rest came easier. Loki gave himself up to the weariness that ached in his bones, and he allowed Clint to force him back into the bed. He did however have the energy to question Clint when he laid beside him in the bed._

_“You think I trust you to actually stay here?” Clint asked, as though the answer were obvious._

_Loki was silent for a moment, looking completely shocked. “I expect you to trust me unconditionally, that is kind of the point of the spell I placed on you. You shouldn’t be able to question me.”_

_“Of course sir.”_

_…_

_Loki slept well and for a long time. Clint was actually beginning to worry when he’d been asleep for 14, nearly 15 hours. Then, he finally began to rouse. He rolled over onto his side, facing Clint, letting out a litting cough and rubbing his face haphazardly with his hand. One eye slid open, brilliant blue, and focused on Clint’s face._

_“Morning. I was starting to think you were going to sleep forever.” Clint replied, rolling on his side to face Loki easier._

_“What time is it- How long was I asleep for?” Loki asked, suddenly alert._

_Clint reached out, placing his hand on Loki’s arm and pulling him back against the bed. “It’s fine, I checked on the workers a few times, everything’s coming along fine.”_

_Loki still looked unconvinced, but didn’t argue._

_“Just rest for a while longer.” Clint said, reaching his hand down and pulling Loki’s shirt up again. “You heal really quickly… the bruise is much smaller now.”_

_Loki looked down at the bruise as well. It had shrunken down to about the size of a soft ball, and had lightened a bit._

_“My people heal faster than yours do.” Loki responded simply, looking back up._

_“I can see that.”_

_Loki sat up again, making to move past Clint. “I have work to do. You can see I’ve healed, now quit badgering me.”_

_…_

_Selvig seemed to be Loki’s favourite. He focused on him a lot. It was understandable. Selvig knew how to work the Tesseract, monitor it, how to build the machine they needed to activate it. It bothered Clint though. He knew how to do at least half of the stuff Selvig could, but he’d been reduced to a grunt. Of course, Clint pretended to be stupid. He always had in the past and it saved his life a few dozen times. But he didn’t play down his intelligence around Loki. He wanted the God’s attention, just like anyone else did. The only difference between him and the other grunts was that he _wasn’t_ just a grunt._

_Clint was intelligent, he could keep up. He followed Loki and Selvig around and he knew exactly what they were talking about. He’d proved his usefulness to Loki time and time again, yet Loki treated Clint like he was a burden. If that was the case, why didn’t he just kill Clint off? He was on his way to ask, in a roundabout way that Clint had figured out so he _could_ question Loki._

_He rounded the corner and saw Loki sitting on the steps by himself, seeming to be zoned out. He did this sometimes, just stared off into space. His guess for why Loki did it was as good as anyone’s._

_He jumped a little when Loki came to, jolting to the left with a pained expression on his face. Clint stepped out and did a little half-jog to the man, lowering himself down on one knee and looking up at Loki expectantly. Loki breathed heavily, not quite looking at Clint yet. When he did, he seemed to remember where he was. He composed himself, standing back up, and turning to leave._

_“Sir!” Clint stood back up and took a couple quick strides towards him._

_Loki spun back to glare at him. “I don’t need to rest.”_

_“Is that all you think I do?” Clint asked, enduring the brief headache that the question brought on._

_“What else do you do Barton? You trail around me like a lost puppy, fussing over me, begging me to sleep.”_

_“That’s not all I do.”_

_“No, you’re right, I apologize. You have been very helpful in acquiring a place of work and much of the materials I need.” Loki replied lowly, still glaring down at Clint._

_“Why won’t you let me work on the machine with Selvig?” Clint asked suddenly, enduring another headache._

_Loki paused, watching Clint carefully. “Is this jealousy Barton?”_

_Clint’s silence issued a satisfied grin from Loki._

_“I see.” Loki stepped forward. “You want my attention just like the others. It seems you’re weaker minded than I thought. Even the others are able to keep quiet about their desire.”_

_…_

_Several days passed again and Clint had to practically drag Loki away to sleep. The impending completion of their work was making Loki more than antsy. Clint was silent all through guiding Loki back to his room, having been irritable since their last little exchange. Loki had sensed it, it was impossible not to. Clint was exactly low key when he was grouchy._

_Loki stood silently, watching Clint with interest as the man undressed him. Once the leather was removed and Loki didn’t move to slip into bed, Clint raised his eyes, meeting the other’s gaze for the first time._

_“Do I need to help you into bed too?” He asked, trying to sound like he was genuinely curious rather than like he was questioning his boss._

_“I was wrong Barton, you’re not like the others.” Loki responded simply, sitting down on the bed, still looking up at Clint._

_“Oh...kay… thank you Sir.” Clint replied, a little confused._

_“The others don’t look at me the way you do Barton. The others look at me with admiration, obedience… loyalty. You look at me with something else, can you tell me what that is Barton?” Loki grinned a little, knowing Clint couldn’t lie to him._

_“...Lust, Sir…” Clint replied hesitantly._

_“You would have me undress for you if you could have your way.” Loki replied, grinning a little wider. “Tell me Barton, would you still look at me with lust if you weren’t under my control?”_

_“I don’t know Sir.”_

_“Shall we find out?”_

_Loki stood, lifting his sceptre from the desk and pushing Clint back into the corner. Loki’s eyes dragged down Clint’s body and back up, locking eyes with him. Clint shuddered under Loki’s gaze, shifting uncomfortably. Loki pressed the tip of the sceptre to Clint’s chest and retracted the spell from Clint’s mind._

_“How are we feeling Barton?”_

_Clint shook his head in confusion a little. “What?”_

_“How do you feel?”_

_He focused his eyes on Loki before flicking them around the room, seeming to recognize where he was. “Who are you?”_

_Loki cocked his head a little. “You should regain your memories after extraction, I’m not sure how long it takes though… Don’t worry though, I’m not going to hurt you.”_

_He smirked in amusement, switching the hands that were holding the sceptre before using his free hand to caress Clint’s cheek._

_“I asked you a question, who are you?” Clint repeated the question, his voice much more stern than it had been before._

_“My name is Loki. You brought me here, remember?” He smiled warmly, bring his hand down to Clint’s chest._

_Clint chuckled nervously, trying to slip past him. “Yeah, I don’t remember that. Wanna take your hand off me?”_

_“Would you try to hurt me if I didn’t?” Loki asked, lowering his hand still._

_Clint jumped. “Hey, I’m- I’m not into guys, ok?”_

_“We both know that’s not quite true though.” Loki leaned in, pressing their lips firmly together._

_Clint tensed at first, but slowly relaxed into his touch. Loki pulled Clint’s hips against his, turning his head and slipping his tongue into Clint’s mouth. It ran smoothly back and forth across Clint’s tongue, tasting him, inhaling his breath. He pulled away just long enough to pull Clint’s shirt away from his body before leaning back in. He rocked their faces together, kissing him enthusiastically, nipping his lower lip, sucking it into his mouth._

_Loki could hear Clint moaning quietly, breathily. Loki brought his hands up to rest on Clint’s lower back, Clint’s hands came up to cup Loki’s face. Their hips roll together slowly, Loki’s just an inch or so higher than Clint’s, they seemed to fit together perfectly._

_“I still don’t know who you are.” Clint mumbled through the kiss, not making much of an effort to break away from the other man._

_“Does it matter? I can tell you find me attractive, and I think we both know you’ve had a one night stand at least once in your life.” Loki replied, pulling away._

_Loki grabbed Clint’s hand and pulled him back to the bed. “And I think I can guarantee I’ll be the best.”_

_“You’d be surprised how many times I’ve been told that.” Clint replied, letting Loki push him back against the bed._

_“Judge for yourself then.”_

_Clint readjusted so he was laying on the bed and Loki followed, positioning himself over Clint. He pressed their lips back together, their movements slower and more precise than before, perhaps a little more passionate. Loki lowered his hips against Clint’s, feeling the man’s soft bulge through his pants. He pressed the top of his thigh to it, grinding against it, eliciting a small, breathy gasp. Clint lifted his hips slightly, just enough to lean into the touch. Loki smirked at the action._

_Loki sat up and pulled his shirt off, tossing it onto the floor, leaving the two of them bare-chested. Loki leaned forward again, pressing their chests together, grinding against Clint. The touch extracted more breathy moans from Clint. Loki leaned his head forward, pressing his cheek against Clint’s so he could hear the moans clearer._

_Clint brought his hands up, running them along Loki’s back, feeling the muscles tighten and constrict and relax as Loki moved against him. Bending one leg up, he lifted his hips again, using his knee to push Loki down against him. Loki obliged the physical request and rutted harder against Clint before stopping suddenly, lifting up again and quickly unbuttoning Clint’s pants._

_Loki pushed the fabric down quickly, revealing the thickening erection that had hidden beneath moments ago. Loki placed his hand on Clint’s chest, drawing it down slowly, fingering the lines that defined the muscles on his abdomen. His hand lingered for a moment just below his bellybutton before bringing it down the rest of the way and wrapping his long fingers around Clint’s cock._

_Clint let out a moan, his eyes sliding shut, his head tilting back. He swallowed and relaxed against the touch. Loki trailed his hand up and down Clint’s cock in slow, lazy strokes, watching the expressions that splayed across the other man’s face. Occasionally he would tighten his grip, press a little harder in certain places, twist his wrist. Everything he did seemed to bring out a reaction even better than the last._

_Hands wandered across each other’s bodies aimlessly. One of Clint’s hands found Loki’s hair and tangled in the threads, gripping tight. Loki let Clint guide his face down before putting up a bit of resistance. He paused, giving Clint a few more strokes before running his tongue up the length. Clint shuddered and let out a sigh, his length twitching against Loki’s face._

_Loki pulled up a bit, flicking his tongue over the slit, pressing down into it. Clint moaned and arched up, Loki let out a slow, hot breath over the tip. He placed his mouth over the head, sucking hard, pressing his tongue hard into the underside. After a moment of this, he lowered his head quickly, taking the rest of the length into his mouth. The tip pressed against the back of his throat, and he paused, rocking his mouth against the length, and then lifted back up._

_The silence of the room was quickly replaced with the low, soft moans Clint was emitting from his throats. They staggered, caught in his throat. He still wasn’t sure who this person was, but he wasn’t getting any bad vibes off him, and hell, he had his cock down to the base stuffed in his mouth and god was he hot. Clint had no room to complain. He moaned and arched his head and let Loki pull his thighs onto his shoulders._

_Then, Loki stopped suddenly. It seemed to be his style, getting Clint riled up and then stopping. He pulled up, dropping Clint’s thighs down again. He ran his hand over the fingers on his right hand. When Clint could see them again, they were slick, glistening with something Loki had conjured. He brought the fingers down and rubbed them against Clint’s opening. He let out another moan, pressing his head hard into the pillow. The digit pushed past the opening into the hot cavern, working in and out before slipping in another._

_Loki worked his fingers in and out of Clint, moving slowly, stretching the opening more and more. Soon enough, he slipped another finger in. Clint waited patiently, doing nothing but running his hand slowly through Loki’s dark hair. Once Loki had gotten three fingers in, he moved them about inside him, running then along the upper portion of the tunnel. He stroked his fingers over it again and again until he hit what he was looking for. Clint’s eyes squeezed shut and he let out a long moan._

_“Have you been with another man before Barton?” Loki asked, stroking the spot slowly._

_“Yes.” He breathed._

_“In the way you’re with me now?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Loki frowned, a little disappointed. He stroked the spot anyways, pressing the tips of his fingers into the gland. Clint moaned again, his knees bending, his toes curling. The reaction returned the smile to Loki’s face and he removed his fingers. Clint’s eyes opened and he looked down at Loki questioningly. Loki sat up, leaning back on his knees, and ran his hand over his own cock. It’d softened a bit, but began hardening again, slicking with whatever same fluid he’d used on his fingers previously._

_Clint watched Loki’s work, the long, slow strokes, the way his head tilted back, when he swiped his thumb, slow and hard and then quickly, over the head, thumbing the slit, drawing his index and middle fingers up the underside of his length. He was practically putting on a show for Clint._

_His cock properly hardened now, Loki leaned back over Clint, inching up so the tops of his thighs met the bottoms of Clint’s. He hooked his hands under Clint’s legs and pulled him back so his ass rested in Loki’s lap. He leaned forward more, placing his forearm on the bed beside Clint’s head, his other hand gripping the underside of the man’s thigh, rubbing circles with his fingers over the skin. He pressed his lips to Clint’s again, rocking into his mouth, wasting no time in snaking his tongue in against Clint’s._

_And he moaned loudly. He moaned into Clint’s mouth and against his jaw, down to his neck where he bit at the skin and sucked into into his mouth, leaving darkening marks along his throat and collarbone. He moved the hand from Clint’s thigh to reach between them, grabbing his cock and guiding the tip to Clint’s hole, pressing softly. It pushed in slowly, taking his time until it was in about halfway. He pulled out slowly and pushed in again, repeating the process a few times more, pressing a little deeper each time. Clint hooked his hands behind Loki’s neck, watching his face._

_Once Loki was sure Clint had adjusted to the intrusion, he moved his hips with more precision. He lifted Clint’s hips a little, thrusting in, pressing the tip of his cock against Clint’s prostate each time. He picked up a slow rhythm, building the friction between them. Clint relaxed against the bed, pulling Loki’s weight onto him. Loki leaned against him, his weight held up by the forearms he’d placed on either side of Clint. One hand slipped under him, the palm of his hand pressed flat against Clint’s back, bracing the two tight against each other._

_Loki took his time against Clint, pressing in and out slowly, pushing lazy thrusts into the other man’s hole. It felt hot and slick around his cock, still tight despite the stretching. It wrapped around Loki, sucking him in everytime he pulled away. Loki let out a staggered breath, moaning into Clint’s ear. He pressed his lips against the side of Clint’s face, letting out hot breaths against his skin._

_The moans Clint let out were breathy, staggered, wanting. Each moan was a beg for more, pleading Loki to press just a little hard, move just a little faster. His nails dug down into Loki’s back, leaving marks along his skin, holding onto Loki as though he might disappear if he let go. His left hand moved down along Loki’s back, rubbing over his lower back before moving lower to grab his ass._

_Loki’s pace sped up a little, giving in Clint’s requests. He pressed in as deep as he could go, feeling his balls slap against Clint’s ass. He let out another long moan, stifling it against Clint’s shoulder, biting down hard. Clint’s breath hitched at the blossoming pain, clenching his thighs around Loki’s hips._

_The pressure built up in Loki’s cock, each stroke of friction increasing the feeling of pleasure. Loki’s speed increased again, moving harder and more precisely. Clint gasped at the change of speed, followed by a low moan. Loki reached between them and wrapped his fingers around Clint’s cock again, stroking in long, fast movements, He worked his arm along, pumping into Clint. The pressure built further, and then it was giving way._

_Loki let out a staggered gasp, moaning against Clint’s neck. They felt the hot spurts of cum spilling into Clint’s hole, coating it’s walls. Loki continued pumping and soon enough Clint was coming as well, covering his chest in three lines of white, a splatter getting across the underside of Clint’s chin._

_The room filled with the sounds of the bed moving beneath them, heavy breathing, and a string of moans, gasps, and swears as the two came against each other, curling into the other. Clint’s fingernails dug a bit deeper into Loki’s back, and Loki pressed his mouth hard against Clint’s, biting his lips, sucking Clint’s tongue into his mouth._

_Loki broke the kiss and pulled out, looking down at the mess Clint had made on himself. He reached over and pulled his sceptre off the desk and sitting back against the bed, looking down at Clint with a smug smile._

_“So then Barton, how did you find my work?” Loki asked, grinning a bit wider._

_Clint nodded, breathing heavily. “It was… yeah…”_

_Loki kissed along the inside of Clint’s right thigh, stepping about four-thirds of the way down and coming back up._

_“I hope you don’t mind I finish the rest with you under the spell again.” Loki said, pressing the tip of the sceptre to Clint’s chest._

_“Wait, what-”_

_The power flooded through Clint’s system again, dark tendrils trailing out from his heart, up his neck, and filled his eyes, covering them completely before fading away. Clint watched Loki with a blank gaze, and then remember where he was and who he was with. He blinked a few times before relaxing, looking down to take in the situation. Loki leaned down and ran his tongue along the streaks of white that coated Clint’s abdomen._

_Clint let his eyes slide shut and leaned his head back. He sighed in contentment, letting out a small little hum. Loki looked up, watching Clint face as he lapped up the lines of cum from Clint’s skin. He cleaned the mess quickly and then leaned down against the bed, his legs still tangled with Clint’s. He leaned his head on the man’s shoulder, smirking to himself._

_“Have I paid you the proper attention then Barton? Has your jealousy sated?” Loki asked, breathing out against Clint’s neck._

_Clint swallowed hard. “Yes Sir.”_

_“Good. I think I’ve enjoyed myself as well. Perhaps this won’t be the only time we do this. How would that make you feel?”_

_“Yes, I… I would like that, Sir.” Clint replied, nodding his head slowly._

_…_

_The two visited each other like this several times over the course of their time together. Loki didn’t remove the spell again like he did the first time, but there were no complaints from Clint. It wouldn’t have made much of a difference anyways. Clint would drag Loki off to rest, and Loki would drag Clint into the bed with him. The routine was the same every day. They fuck, then they’d fall asleep together, and a few hours later, they’d wake and return to work._

_Loki liked it this way. He’d been with other people who’d wanted to talk after sex, Clint was perfectly content to lie with Loki quietly. For a while, Loki thought he preferred it, but slowly, he started to grow uncomfortable in the silence afterwards. Sometimes he attempted to talk, but it was usually Loki’s usual nonsense, trying to get a rise out Clint, even though he knew it wasn’t possible._

_“Barton…” Loki said, rolling over to face Clint._

_Clint turned his head to look at Loki. “Yes Sir?”_

_“If I were to release you from the spell, when you regained your memories, what would you do?” Loki asked, searching Clint’s face with blank, emotionless eyes._

_Clint was silent for a moment, thinking. “I suppose I might attack you. Or I might leave immediately.”_

_“You would be angry with me.”_

_“Yes. Considering the spell, everything you’ve done to me is non-consensual. And you’ve had me kill people.”_

_Loki watched Clint for a while longer._

_“Why do you ask Sir?”_

_“I’m not sure I want to release you… Your desire for me is fabricated, but it still feels nice anyways. Like you said, if I released you, you’d leave.”_

_Clint furrowed his brow at Loki. “Sir… are you…”_

_“Am I what?” Loki asked, his voice bordering irritation._

_“Are you lonely? Is that why you’ve been doing all this? Sir?”_

_Loki sat up, facing away from Clint. His thoughts collided in his head, struggling for attention. What was the worst that could happen? Clint was his to do with what he pleased, Clint couldn’t tell anyone anything without Loki’s permission. He could impart all of his secrets onto Clint and he wouldn’t be capable of thinking any less of him. He looked back at the other man, looking at his face, trying to decide what to do._

_“I… suppose you could say that.” Loki replied finally._

_“Did you not have anyone back on Asgard? Sir? If you don’t mind me asking.”_

_Loki sighed and leaned back against Clint’s chest, resting his head on the man’s shoulder. Clint wrapped his arms around Loki, looking down at him expectantly._

_“No, I didn’t. The last person I was involved with was arrest for treason.”_

_“How long ago was that?”_

_“Nearly thirty years ago.” Loki replied softly._

_Clint’s heart clenched. “I know you live longer than I do, but that still seems like a long time.”_

_“Don’t patronize me, I know it was a long time.” Loki snapped angrily. “What’s it matter anyways, why should you care?”_

_“Because I care about you.”_

_“Because of the spell.”_

_…_

_“Sir?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“Who was the last person you were with?”_

_Loki turned in Clint’s arms, meeting his gaze. “What do you mean?”_

_“You told me the last person you were with was nearly thirty years ago, who were they?”_

_Loki leaned in and kissed Clint. “Jealous?”_

_“I just like hearing you talk. You don’t do it very much, not about yourself. You just snap orders at people.” Clint replied pressing into another kiss._

_“Is this some sort of roundabout way of saying ‘Tell me about yourself’?”_

_“Yeah.” Clint cracked a smile._

_Loki sighed “There’s not much to me Barton. I was a Prince in Asgard until I discovered…” He hesitated. “Until I discovered I was not Odin and Frigga’s child. When Thor got back from banishment, I was trying to destroy Jotunheim. We fought, he won, I dropped of the bridge into the void. I drifted for about a year before the Chitauri found me.”_

_“And then you came here?”_

_“Correct.”_

_…_

_“Sir?”_

_Loki looked up, He’d blacked out in their room, having his consciousness ripped off world so the Other could threaten him for now having delivered the Tesseract already. His breath was heavy, his chest constricted, his eyes blown wide. Clint had rushed to his side when he fell, pulling him into his lap and was now stroking his face._

_“Sir…”_

_“Just call me Loki for pete’s sake, Barton. I think we’ve reached that level of familiarity.”_

_“Loki, you’re… Are you ok?” He asked, concern etched into his face._

_“I’m fine.”_

_“You’re crying.”_

_“What?” Loki reached a hand up and was met with a wet cheek. He wiped the tears away, his stomach clenching painfully._

_“What happened?”_

_“It’s none of your concern!” Loki ripped himself from Clint’s grip and stood up, facing away from the other man._

_Clint stood, taking a step forward. “You’re so closed off.” He muttered quietly, running his hands over Loki’s arms._

_“Why shouldn’t I be?” Loki snapped, turning to face Clint. “You’re no one special, why should you feel you get to know my inner workings? What makes you think you’re worthy of any of my secrets? You’re a low, rank creature. You’re barely a blip, you’re whole species is so fleeting and weak. You should feel lucky just that I’ve shared a bed with you.”_

_“I do feel lucky.” Clint replied, taking another step forward. “I feel very honoured just with the information you’ve trusted me with already.” He pressed a kiss to Loki’s lips. “I wish you’d just trust me a little more.”_

_Loki was crying a bit harder now, silently, not meeting Clint’s gaze. Clint pulled him into a hug and pressed another kiss to his lips._

_“You only care about me because you’re under my control, it’s not physically possible for you to not want to help me in any way you can. As soon as I release you, you’ll hate me, and rightfully so.” Loki replied, forcing his words out in an even tone._

_“Then don’t release me.”_

_“That’s not the point Barton! The point is, all of this is fake! The only person to ever give a damn about me had to be forced into it by a spell!” Loki’s voice had risen now, close to shouting._

_“What about Thor? I know he cares about you.” Clint replied, soothing his hand over Loki’s hair._

_Loki scoffed. “What do you know of my ‘brother’s’ love for me? He wouldn’t claim to love me so much if he knew my heritage. He won’t when he realizes I’m here, alive, on _his_ world.”_

_Clint stroked Loki’s cheeks, wiping tears away. “So fuck him. Fuck anyone that doesn’t see how amazing you are.”_

_Loki jerked away. “Stop. Stop it, quit talking.”_

_“No, listen to me! You’re amazing Loki. You’re sexy and determined and ambitious, you’re smart as hell, anyone would be lucky to have you, and if you release me and I don’t want you, then fuck me too.” Clint grabbed Loki’s face and pulled him in to another kiss. “You said I’ll retain my memories from this after you release me right? Then future me is gonna remember me telling you all this, and it’s not just because of some bullshit spell.” He kissed him again. “You are everything I said and more. Maybe you’re kind of a bad guy, but it doesn’t make any of those qualities less true.”_

_Loki jerked back again, shoving Clint hard. “Stop, just stop. I order you to stop talking!”_

_…_

_More conversations like this slammed their way back into Clint’s head painfully. Loki was calling out his name, kneeling in front of him, shaking him gently. After the first argument, they only seemed to have more of them. Clint would drag Loki off to rest and try to kiss him, and Loki would get angry and shout at Clint about his adoration for Loki being fake. He’d tell him to leave him alone so he could sleep in peace, and Clint would push the subject. Only one of their conversations followed the same pattern without any of the yelling and shouting._

_…_

_“Loki?”_

_“Hm?”_

_Clint drew his hand up Loki’s arm. They were laying together in bed, Loki facing away from Clint, Clint’s arms wrapped around him, bodies pressed together._

_“Why do you feel like it’s impossible for someone to fall in love with you?” He asked, trailing his fingers over Loki’s shoulder, hoping his question wouldn’t cause his lover to grow angry with him._

_Loki sighed, falling further into Clint’s embrace. “I am the child of monsters.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I’ve said before, I’m not Odin and Frigga’s child. I’m… I was Laufey’s son… He was the king of Jotunheim, a Frost Giant.” Loki replied softly, his words barely audible._

_“So?”_

_“So, the Frost Giants are a race of monsters, or so Odin always told us.”_

_“You don’t actually know much about them?”_

_“It doesn’t matter.”_

_“Well you look alright to me.” Clint replied, smiling, and pulled Loki over onto his back so he could look at his face. “I see a full head of hair, two eyes, a nose, and a mouth I can’t get enough of.” He leaned in and kissed Loki, letting their lips linger together for a while._

_“This is not my natural form Barton, I don’t actually look like this.”_

_“Do you still have two eyes, a nose, and a mouth?” He asked calmly._

_“Yes, but-”_

_“Then I’m sure you’re just as beautiful.”_

_Loki rolled his eyes and turned his head away._

_“Can I see?”_

_Loki froze. “See what?”_

_“The way you actually look.” Clint pressed his lips to Loki’s shoulder._

_“Why would you want to see something like that?”_

_“Curiosity. And I want to kiss your real lips at least once.” Clint replied, holding Loki tighter._

_Loki wanted to say something about how disgustingly, overly romantic Clint is attempting to be, but he just sighed instead._

_“I know you’ll only pester me until I do, so get your hands off me and give me some room.” Loki replied finally, pulling out of Clint’s grip. He sat up and focused on a spot on the wall, not wanting to make eye contact with Clint once he’d reverted to his natural form._

_Slowly, that dark blue hue began creeping up from the tips of Loki’s fingers, covering his hands and arms. It crept up his neck and covered his face, turning his eyes a dark shade of red. Lines appeared over his skin, like runes carved into his fleshed and healed over, long since becoming scars. Clint watched in fascination, his eyes following the movement of pale turning to blue. When Loki’s body was covered, he reached out, slowly touching his fingers to Loki’s arm._

_Loki glanced over at Clint’s face, surprised to see him staring up at him in awe. Then, the surprise disappeared. Clint was unable to look at him with anything but. He sighed and laid back down, letting Clint run his fingertips over the runes on his skin. He placed soft kisses along his skin, trailing his way up Loki’s chest, up his throat, along his jaw, and finally to his lips._

_Clint let out a little breathy moan, as though kissing Loki in this form was the highest form of satisfaction one could achieve. His brows knit and he brought a hand up to cup Loki’s cheek. His other hand curled around Loki’s waste and he pulled the man down on him._

_“I refuse to believe anyone could look at this beautiful skin of yours and not instantly fall in love.” Clint said, finally breaking the kiss._

_Loki pulled away, sliding back against the bed, pulling the blanket up around him and letting his skin fade back. Clint pressed against Loki and watched the change of colour again, as far as he could._

_“I love you Loki.” Clint whispered, kissing Loki’s neck._

_He laid down and let Loki rest. If he felt Loki shuddering against him, he said nothing, and if he heard the hushed sobs, he didn’t mention them. He held Loki until he fell asleep, and then he held him till he woke up, and he said nothing of their conversation when they awoke._

_…_

_Clint’s eyes finally focused on Loki, dragging himself out of his thoughts. He furrowed his brow at Loki._

_“Those are… some pretty intense memories.” Clint said after a while. “I’m surprised you gave them to me.”_

_“I told you, you earned them. You shouldn’t have been ripped from the spell like that, it’s damaging.” Loki replied, keeping his distance._

_“How do you know?”_

_“Because I was ripped out the same way.”_

_“You-... You weren’t…”_

_Loki chuckled. “Do you really take me for someone that willingly works for other?”_

_“The Chitauri… they were controlling you that whole time?”_

_“Not the way I was controlling you. The way it affected you could easily be classified as mind control. The way I was affected was more like coercion. I already harvested anger and bitterness and a desire to rule, all they had to do was amplify it, bend it to coincide with their own needs.” Loki replied, cocking his head a little._

_After a moment, Loki rose, offering a hand to help Clint to his feet. Clint took it, and after, Loki turned, walking across the apartment and opening the door to leave._

_“Wait!”_

_“I’m not going to wait around so you can call your friends, I have no intentions of living out the rest of my life in a jail cell.” Loki replied, glancing back._

_Clint followed him, keeping a few feet back. “No, I’m not going to. I wouldn’t expect you to.”_

_“Then what do you want Barton?”_

_“Well for starters, you can stop calling me by my last name.”_

_Loki was silent for a moment, watching Clint. “Alright, Clint, what do you want?”_

_“Stay the night, don’t leave just yet. I have a lot of memories ‘n shit to sift through, just stay until I can figure things out, ok?”_

_“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, best you just try to forget about me.”_

_Clint grabbed the front of Loki’s coat and dragged him forward, crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss. This time, Clint took the lead, forcing his tongue into Loki’s mouth and grazing his teeth over his lips._

_“Stay until I figure this out.”_

_Their faces were still close together. Loki found feel Clint’s breath against his mouth. He tasted like beer and cigarettes and somehow it didn’t bother Loki. His heart clenched and he realized he really didn’t want to leave. He wanted to lay with Clint like they used to and just enjoy his company, his _real_ company. _

_“...Just till morning.”_

_“Good enough for me.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Ok honesty with you guys, I was a tad high while writing a section of this, and I don't read my work before posting it, so hopefully it all sounds ok. 
> 
> I started this fic around 2 or 3pm today, and it's 11:30pm. I've been working on it off and on all throughout that time. FINALLY DONE. Check another prompt off my list.
> 
> \------------
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


End file.
